Changes and liberations

I'm taking a class this semester on cultural resource management. If I like it or at least find it interesting, then I will go to law school after I graduate. I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself and the subject matter, but it's a post-grad idea that makes sense to me. The idea of doing it seems fulfilling to me somehow. Let's hope the actual follow-through feels the same.

***

I have a friend with benefits. It's been a little over a week since we came to this and I want to end it. It's messed with my head in a dangerous way. On another vein, I want to just get my head out of my ass and enjoy knowing that someone out there likes me for who I am and then still wants to have sex with me. If he weren't good-looking and successful, then it wouldn't be such a problem. I'm notorious for attracting drunk losers and he is neither of those things. It's kind of scary for me because I never learned how to cultivate certain kinds of relationships in a healthy way. Sexual relationships doubly so. Every guy that has ever been attracted to me ALWAYS took advantage of me. Every single one. This guy respects me. I don't know how to handle it. A part of me wants to be that psycho girl who latches on for dear life, but a part of me is just, like, 'chill out.' I'm trying to convince myself that this thing we have doesn't have to work out because it's probably the beginning of new trend of mature men finding me attractive. Maybe I'm finally starting to see the end of a long line of childish assholes.

***

If I receive financial aid for school in the fall, it's entirely possible for me to be debt free by the end of the year. If I do not, then I can be debt free by the beginning of the fall semester next year. I can't even describe how amazing this is for me. I've been struggling for so many years and now I finally see that glimmer I've been waiting for. It's magical!