I started setting goals. This is a magnificent improvement from someone who wouldn't promise anyone anything more than two days in advance mere months ago.
My first goal is to pay off my tuition so I can go back to school. Once in school I have the remaining years of my undergrad program mapped out, along with what extracurricular activities I need so that when I apply to the five schools in the country that actually have my grad program, I'll feel confident that someone will accept me. This right now is my primary goal in life.
But how is it possible to achieve this goal in the mental state that I am in? Before I can do anything, I need to step outside of my comfort zone and get healthy. I am a bulimic alcoholic. These two diseases are beginning to define my life. If I ever want to move forward with my life and realize my ambitions, then I have to rid my mind of the delusions that have been holding me back for much too much of my existence.
This week I will tell myself every day that my body deserves better than what I put it through. I will not poison it in the search for the answers that I seek.
The Kegon Sutra says,
"Now I see all living beings everywhere, and I see that each of them
possesses the wisdom and virtue of Tathagata. But because of their
delusions and attachments, they cannot realize it."
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